Rave (ravanna) wrote,

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Writing was pain in the ass today – days like today, they’re only making me feel like a really bad author, one wondering what exactly the goal looks alike and should feel alike.
Since so many goddamn months, I’m writing my 5000 fucking words on every day I manage in any damn way. If I mess it up in the morning, I do it in the afternoon; in case I didn’t manage it after breakfast I’m all jumpy and feeling BAD and stupid. I rarely think about what I actually write; stories float by, and I grab them.
Today was a bad, bad day. I had seven documents open (Seven. Yeah) and managed nothing of any great substance. There are GREAT ideas, really, some I put down for using them in novel-length later like in some years and that kind of got me into a better mood, because, well, I kinda was searching, and I found – some ideas.
Isn’t it stupid, though, that I HAVE enough ideas and just not feel able to write them down? I’ll sound like a pussy now, but I feel my grip for language was pretty dumb today, and the day before today, and…
I so cannot wait for nano anymore. Another novel; something to fully concentrate on and work straight-on for a month. These days, hanging in between with nothing long but only short stuff, that’s killing me. How can some authors just survive that way?

Honey and I, we watched the movie “The girl next door” (the one based on Ketchum’s novel. Not the other one) and for all of you that can deal with slow storytelling and disturbing pictures/ideas without seeing much blood should get a grip on that one; it was well done, absolutely. When the real hardcore stuff started, I really DID feel sick in my stomach, and it’s been a long, LONG time since I felt that way concerning a movie. Somehow, it was really great to know I still CAN feel that way and haven’t watched too much cruel stuff yet to lose that ability completely.

Speaking of abilities, though…

Well – so, that’s it. You’ll all have read more than one review, so I’ll keep myself short: The beginning was amazingly done; it had such a HIGH level of Silent Hill-feeling, not just the first pictures (great sound effects, by the way), but also how Dean stumblred oput of his grave, leaving people to wonder IF that’s hell or IF he got out and IF he got out then HOW.
Well. How.
Sam doesn’t seem alright at all; we all figured that much. He seems to be into some bad kind of shit – maybe for getting dean out as soon as his abilities have grown enough, MAYBE for another reason. Besides what many people (like, everybody) said, I felt that there was no REAL, INTENSE joy between them, seeing each other again after so many months of being separated. Sam seemed distant and like hiding the world from dean (which he is, I know), and Dean – well, Dean took a lot of what happened to him without asking. Can’t remember a thing, right? Well, rat’s ass he is.
I liked the mood of the episode; everything seemed to be so goddamn dirty, glass splattering all the goddamn time (Silent Hill feeling! Gaaah, how I miss that fucking game, and you know, part 5 is called Homecoming, doesn’t that say a lot?) and Dean having that huge bigass handprint on his arm. . . .the colours were a bit too bright still; but I think there will be always season 1 as the queen of colour-filtering. Too bad.

I think good versus evil might be the trick, yeah. Maybe Sam needs to be rescued from the dark side he’s going to step into fully or already has been stepping into, which would explain season 5, final showdown and all that (just a guess). I still am not absolutely o-Kay with the god!idea (we all do know what business that angel had concerning real mythology, don’t we?) BUT I am more than curious, and all in all, it was a great way top begin a season, because I have many questions, many worries about my boys and just can hope there will be a solution. Or more than one*cough*

What else?
Still no shoes. We didn’t even manage getting to Cologne today because of that huge demonstration, which makes honey and me as pissy as hell, but we’ll give it another try next week. I’m feeling kinda sick inside, but I’ll be back to work now anyway.

Now – well. Friends cut.
I cut a lot.

I didn’t ask, I didn’t think much; I just looked through all you guys, and those I haven’t spoken with in years/months just got kicked. I watched my own ways of dealing with your entries – I scroll through some LJs like hell – and how you dealt with mine.
Just – remove me from your list, too, alright? Nothing personal; guess we simply didn’t click, or don't click anymore. Too bad.
Tags: friends cut, supernatural, writing
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